Run No. 1010

Date:                  18 January 2002

Where:               Kent Ridge Park

Occasion:         Quicksand’s Birthday

Hares:                Quicksand & Frontarse

Members:           50

Guests:               Ask Ripper Again   

- Returnees:         0         

- Visitors :            3         

- Virgins :             5

- New Member:   2

Got to make it quick this week as I’m a bit booked up with that horrid stuff called gainful employment for a while. So lets go. A larger than usual pack assembled at this favourite venue to be treated with an up and down run all around the areas of South Buona Vista Road. Good checks and excellent sweeping meant that the idiots who got lost in Science Park 2 have no one but themselves to blame.

Indy called the hares into the circle as Frontarse was one of them and could hardly call in himself. The pack was particularly noisy so Filthy Phil was brought to the ice as an early example but in the interests of humanity didn’t drop his voluminous shorts. Then Indy finally called for a verdict on the run and all declared it a good one.

Next week’s run is the annual Australia Day thingy so we’ve all got to dress up in thongs and beer cans for the occasion. Coo Chi Coo, Frontarse and Indy are the organisers and the venue is the Handlebar on Alexandra Road.

Frontarse then called in the virgins – Karol and Michael. Karol looked somewhat surprised to be informed that she was a little flat chested but all right.

Indy found another talker to punish – this was a visitor from San Francisco called LCB – whatever that stands for. Indy gave him a cruel and unusual punishment and made him sit on Filthy Phil. As Fanny Flasher commented – “He’s from San Francisco so he’s probably enjoying it.” And CCC filled up the spare seat.

The visitors welcomed were Graffiti Dick from Seletar, Russell from Batam, and LCB, who was delighted to be given early release from the ice. But not for long. Frontarse dismissed the talkers and made the visitors sit on the ice, generously exhorting LCB to give me a chance to check out his transatlantic bum Well prepared, LCB was wearing three layers, but in the end sportingly did the biz.

And Frontarse called in visiting royalty – ex GM Hot Pants who is now resident in Bali.

And there were several returnees – Rabies (Mr. Hot Pants) Stinky Pussy, and Goner.

Indy, who had been chastising the venerable Bully since the beginning of the circle, could take it no more and propelled the greying one to the ice despite his protestations about his age. He had been blithering on to Rabies, who joined him.

Mystery Mystery Whip turned out to be White Chinaman. He started off with a personal grudge. His contribution for the Australia Day run is to be in charge of the drinks stop, and over the past two weeks he’s been nagged senseless by an over eager hare about what to do. Exasperated, he put Indy on the ice declaring that he knew how to pour a drink, thank you very much, and to everyone’s delight, proceeded to gag her, which shut her up for – oh, all of ten seconds.

He then wanted to highlight unsympathetic partners. Firstly Haircut, whose wife is about 11 months pregnant and the size of a small asteroid – and does he sit there holding her hand and going thorough the “Push! Push!” routine with her? Does he heck! No, it’s straight on the hash and, “Phone me from the hospital if you need me”. And then there is Steptoe, sitting at home with a torn cartilage and yet Hungry Bum frolics round the run in her usual style with no thought for her husband on his bed of pain. And Bushy leaves Barbarian, recently hospitalised for a debilitating infection. Bushy and Ayam Kampong stood in as lookalike’s for the last two.

For his third charge he picked on one of the numbers who started running backwards when they decided it was quicker to run back to Buona Vista Road, Slack Arse lived up to his name and slacked off at this point, so he was given a down down.

Mystery Mystery Whip was Big Hammer. He called out So Cunt Cheong, noting that it was such a well laid run that even the elderly and crippled came back well before 7.30. When did SCC get in? Just the wrong side of 8 o’clock apparently. He was one of the mentally challenged who got lost around Science Park 2. SCC protested that he was just following Boo but that was no excuse.

And BH had noticed Indy calling a t-check somewhere round the endless fence. Degenital went rushing by and WC drew his attention to the fact that she had called a check. “Oh, she’s only a woman!” commented Degenital wittily as he breezed through. And he did the right thing ‘cos there was nothing around that even resembled a check, so Indy was given a down down for senility.

Visitor International Bastard was called into the circle and his style of dress was pointed out. Yes, he was correctly wearing a hash tee shirt, but underneath, ready for the quick getaway, he was wearing his lounge lizard togs, ready to sweep his new girlfriend off her feet. For sticking to the letter, if not the spirit, of hash dressing, he was given a down down, but not before Indy had wrestled him to the ground and torn the tee shirt from his resisting body.

And White Chinaman seemed about to go on. “How many Australians are here?” he asked. “Too many!” came the resounding retort, and at that off he went. Still, he was probably distracted buy the wrathful Indy’s descent on Speedy Tits and Stash to put them on the ice for private partying.

Frontarse had an award to present. Big Hammer got a pewter tankard with a naked lady handle to celebrate his 200 runs.

And Indy had another award to present – a tee shirt award for Shoeless for 50 runs. She and Delegator had the fun of stripping off the old one and shoehorning him into the new.

Time for the Prick of the Week. If you’ve read last week’s newsletter you’ll know that it had a fairly exciting week - getting mauled by Dickless, losing bit of itself, and being found in Frontarse’s car etc. Well, after I’d spent a fruitless hour rooting around the undergrowth – and as everyone loudly told me, it’s the only type of rooting I get these days – only to find that the end hadn’t been lost after all – I awarded it to myself. Poser kindly offered to scribe at this period and in my notes all I find this helpful comment - “Any bloody excuse to get the Prick again”. Oh well. Mother Mary last week told me she had given me the prick for my screwtiny and since I didn’t get the chance `cos it was in two pieces, this time I can screwtinise it properly.

Indy wanted to comment on the insidious rise of Velcro disease on the hash. She called in the carriers of the disease, Slocum and Jack Off, and sat them on the ice. Of course they couldn’t be separated so Slocum dropped the lot and Jack Off sat on her beau. Indy actually wanted to call in a visiting couple who had quickly succumbed to infection and were busily groping each other throughout the circle. Per and Gro were their names, apparently. They sat on the ice too but Indy ensured that the couples had to swap partners so they didn’t enjoy it too much.

Frontarse now leapt back into the circle with a heartfelt complaint. Why did only the men flash their bums sitting on the ice? He wanted to see the girls do it too. Indy gallantly volunteered and gave everyone a flash of her g-string as she sat, but that wasn’t enough for Frontarse who wrestled the garment off her. “Save it for Anywhere!” suggested Kamikaze, who obviously speaks from experience.

Indy decorously dressed herself and called in Quicksand for her birthday down down. She was so busy talking, however, that she missed the call, and was justifiably iced for not paying attention. Other birthday celebrants were Malfunction and Pandora’s Box. Lookalike Saliva was happy to sit on Malfunction. And one more birthday girl was Lacey Lady. Drinks all round.

Time for AOB. Desperation came in to advertise the Harriets 1500th on 20 April at the British Club. And I waited desperately for any more but people were obviously eager to get to the on on and that was it.

Samy’s Banana Leaf has apparently changed its name to Samy’s Greaseproof Paper, which doesn’t have quite the same exotic ring, but the On On was well attended - and almost eerily well behaved. No one seemed interested in singing and Indy kept her Sound of Music repertoire to herself – which at least was one small mercy. I think someone’s putting Prozac in everyone’s beer or something….

On On!!

Black Widow

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