Run No: 1118
When: 23rd January 2004
Where: Demsey Road Carpark
Occasion: AngMo Dicks’ attempt at a CNY run
Hares: The Dicks: Shaggy & Slap
Mystery Whip: Herr Zipp
Mystery2 Whip: Slack Arse
Members: 42
Total Guests: 9
On-On: Sin Long Seafood Restaurant, Queenstown Club, Jalan Penjara off Margaret Drive
Next Week’s Hares: Strapless showing how the Chinese clan set a good hash run.
The circle began, to my knowledge, unprecedentedly late (8.30pm) just after GM (not the Scottish Sir) runs in after 8pm scowling that she had a “Big Problem” with the run! A quick survey by the scribe before the Circle revealed the following comments from some of the FRBs:
Ad Nauseum – “unadulterated f#*king crap”
Big Probem – ‘hashshit with a capital H”
Stash – ‘’Two runs in one, not remarkable”
Speedy Tits – ‘’too long, I’ll give it half a hashshit” but I think she was being the tactful person that she is.
Slack Arse – “no imagination”
No Problem – “Foucking good run” … eh? .. but then grinningly admitted he was imitating PhoneSex’s review on Astronut’s past runs.
Aye-Aye called in the hares and the impending answer to the burning question of “What do you think of the run?” was intentionally delayed as he tried to explain that help to set the run was requested by Shaggy Dick as both he and Slap Dick were still pretty “virginal” .. hares, that is. Apparently, the hares have only set 3 runs between them and all of them guided by experienced co-hares. So, this is the result of not reading the Guide Book on “How to set a run”. Paraded like low life weasels and then bombarded with a chorus of ‘’HASH SHIT, HASH SHIT, HASH SHIT, both the hares claimed that they never received a copy of the Guidelines when they joined LCH as members. (Ed’s Note: If these claims are true, please note that this oversight falls on last year’s committee’s responsibilities!
Shaggy Dick then began to hastily explain that in another life he was a SAS training instructor and he needed to use the hash to prove that “besides conquering the financial world, he also had physical endurance clout”. I say, “What an absolute load of CRAP!” Above the wails of “unfair, unfair” from some harriette fans, the hares were awarded the hash shit!
OK, lets deal with the recorded facts now:
Virgins: Brian Sepathon
Visitors: Woody, Carl Smith (Stiff’s son who has graduated from the HH Horrors), and Natasha
Returnees: Black Widow …. AGAIN.
Hare Whip: Shaggy Dick
1) On in Astronut for SAS military insubordination – not rendering assistance when initially asked by the hares but then telling the hares what to do whilst on the run.
2) On in all the superfit dumb fucks who completed the hash trail – no down-downs for them. They get to only WITNESS the hare do a down-down! Here come the grudge.
3) A toast to those born in the year of the Monkey - On in Big Problem, Mouthful and some pariah whose name escapes me. Ayam Kampong screamed, ‘Bring in the black one that BEHAVES like a big monkey”. On in Squire for impersonation of this year’s Chinese horoscope icon.
Mystery Whip: Herr Zipp
1) The run was essentially a live hare run as apparently Slap Dick was still laying the end trail at 6.30pm. My writing scrawls: To Skidmark (look-a-like Boo) for impersonating a Chinese attorney. Don’t ask me to tell you the connection coz the private partying racket behind me put an end to my finishing that line and understanding the gist!
2) To Hooray – for complaining that the hares needed to read a book on how to correctly lay a run.
3) To Black Widow – for bad timing. She wasn’t present at last week’s Pulau Ubin run and missed out meeting the potential love of her life, a German virgin aptly baptised Spider Fucker by the hare whip.
Mystery2 Whip: Slack Arse
1) To the 3 wise monkeys – the ones that see, hear and speak no evil?? No, its Cheeky (she wasn’t around so pulled in look-a-like Saliva); Cunning (represented by Herr Zipp) and Noisy monkey, Squire.
2) On a hash run, what does a chalked arrow on the pavement mean? Well, it doesn’t mean flagging a f#*king taxi home. On in Woody, for doing just that when he discovered he was miles away from the home trail.
3) On a hash trail, when conditions are difficult (rain washed away the trail), you are 20 miles away from home, dog-tired and its gotten dark, you think that the hares would assist in directing you in the right direction?? Wrong, Down-down to Shaggy Dick for directing the trail AWAY from home coz the bastard thought the trail wasn’t long enough!
AOB
1) To Impossible for non-collection of his car keys from the key bag.
2) Yum-Seng and an angpow to Psycho (Jason, our booze truck support) for a good job done every week of the year.
3) Wishing all the Chinese a HAPPY LUNAR NEW YEAR!
On-On-On to the restaurant in the Queenstown Club. Shaggy Dick complete with 4 carless females heaped into the fresh leather-smelling seats of his new Mercedes, manoeuvres unwittingly through the scenic route taking 15 minutes instead of the usual 5 to get to the restaurant. For a guy who’s lived here 20 years, he knows his way around just like the locals!
While digging into the scrumptious Chinese meal, I had the pleasure of sitting beside Shaggy Dick who had decided once again to go through the rigours of run setting. “Its really hard to set a good run”, he groaned. We all agreed (especially if you didn’t know what the fouck you were doing!!).
Being fair to the hares, I must say they did pop a lot of effort into the setting of their run “putting in 20+ hours of recce” reports Shaggy Dick. Shaggy Dick also testifies to his investment in trail setting material - 300 pieces of chalk (utilised – what the foucking hell did he do with them??); 20 toilet rolls (utilised 16 – Ed: must have used them like Speedy Tits did last week!); 6kg of flour (utilised all) and then took 4 hours to lay the trail. Ignorance seem to have got the better of them however. Shaggy Dick made up for it by closing the CNY dinner event with a beautiful rendition of a Chinese song … in Mandarin, mind you. What a star! One table was still left karokeing when I left at 11.30pm to the first early night sleep that week!
On On On On
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